I just gift wrapped bread.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
