I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
