I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You ate ashes out of my bong
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
