im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
