did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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