i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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