Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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