bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
