We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
