My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
