Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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