Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
