Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
