remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
