Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
