so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
two words...techno handjob
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
