The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Im part way to drunk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
