We're like a lot better than the average bears
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
