did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
