In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
