guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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