My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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