I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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