my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
