When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
