Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
