well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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