Will you blow on my dice?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize