Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
