omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Randomize
