if only i could text you this smell
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
