hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
