I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
