i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
