He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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