Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
