I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
