Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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