I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
