I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
