and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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