The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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