His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
