she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
