he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
