Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
