my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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