I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
