rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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