I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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