Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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