the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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