my mouth tastes like poor choices
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
