i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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