Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
