I think my vagina is haunted
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My bed smells like the plague
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
