I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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