Is it because I queefed?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
