I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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