Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've blown a few things in my day
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You dont lie about slip and slides
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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