so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
