I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
